Less is More

This was inspired by a prompt from Sara and fills the “The Friendzone Is My Safe Place” and “Gossip” squares in my 2-1-17 card for the Valentines Bingo challenge. This piece is 384 words and I’m wishing my character luck with his frustrating neighbor!

Content notice: foul language.

Less is More

“Stop taking flowers out of my garden to woo people who don’t even treat you right,” yelled Jake Ellis from 334-C. I’d stopped by his stoop to pick a few of the irises that grew there in abundance and that I knew Jake himself used as gifts for girls he dated.

“Uhm…what?” I fumblingly replied, completely taken aback by his abrupt appearance. I wasn’t expecting him to bully open his sliding glass door and hop out onto his patio just a few feet from me as I stopped to pick a few blooms on my way to Maddie’s place.

“Don’t take that bitch anymore of my flowers man! She’s not giving you any, so I don’t think you should be going out of your way for her anymore. Pick ‘em for someone who isn’t going to stick you straight into the friendzone.” Jake looked livid and motioned with his hands for me to throw the flowers down.

“Wha…how would you know about whether or not I’m getting any anything?” I demand.

“Dan told me he asked her out about a week ago and she said she’d like that. So he asked what about you and freakin’ Maddie tells him you’re just good friends. That’s girl for friendzoned and you deserve more bro, you’ve been workin’ on that for months now!” Jake sounded sincerely outraged on my behalf. His fingers flew into air quotes around nearly every other phrase.

I took a long step back and a deep breath in, bracing myself to explain yet again what was and wasn’t happening with me and Maddie Shelley. I’d already suffered through this conversation with my mother, my best friend Eric, my next best friend Jon and his current girlfriend, my interfaith pastor, and now, apparently, I’d get the utter joy of attempting to explain everything once more to womanizing Jake Jones from 334-C on his patio stoop while he stood there in just his Budweiser boxers and judged my life.

Friendship with Maddie was more rewarding and less stress than all of my prior girlfriends combined and if I just didn’t count the asshats who were more worried about whether or not my penis had made her acquaintance yet than whether or not I might be genuinely happy then things felt perfect just as they were.

Published in: on February 6, 2017 at 8:01 pm  Comments (2)  
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